All Time Best Dirty Jokes

1. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?
Ken came in another box.

2. Why did the snowman suddenly smile?
He could see the snowblower coming.

3. Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?
He saw the climate change.

4. What did Nala say to Simba in bed?
Move fasta (Mufasa).

5. What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
“Want to see if it fits?”

6. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

7. Why are one-night stands with a man like earthquakes?
You never know how long they’ll last.

8. What’s the difference between a secret and lingerie?
One is really hard to keep, while the other is difficult to take off.

9. What does a sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
Beat it, we’re closed.

10. What did one traffic light say to the other?
Look away, I’m changing!

11. What’s long, hard and full of seamen?
Submarines.

12. How are push-up bras like bags of chips?
When you open them, you realize they’re half empty.

13. What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.

14. What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.

15. My wife was really mad about the neighbor sunbathing nude outside.
Personally, I’m on the fence.

16. Did you hear about the guy who got a Viagra stuck in his throat?
Yeah, he’s suffering from a stiff neck now.

17. Did you hear about the proctologist whose girlfriend cheated on him?
It totally rectum.

18. What do you call a bra that you can’t take off?
A booby trap.

19. What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.

20. How do you spot a blind person at a nude beach?
It’s not hard.

21. There’s a new Viagra and prune juice diet that’s out.
Unfortunately, you can’t tell if you’re coming or going.

22. Why do women like older men?
They know how to stay up longer.

23. What is the difference between light and hard?
You can actually sleep with a light on.

24. Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

25. What’s the difference between a golf ball and G-spot?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

26. Is that a mirror in your pocket?
Because I can see myself in your pants.

27. Which animal has the largest chest?
A Z-bra.

28. How does a wiener go camping?
In a Wiener-bago.

29. My wife asked me to spoon in bed, but I’d rather fork.

30. What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?
Only one has nuts.

31. What does the horny toad say?
Rub it.

32. What do you call a nanny with breast implants?
A faux-pair.

33. What does a hot dog use for protection?
Condoments.

34. What does a robot do after a one-night stand?
He nuts and bolts.

35. What is a long, wide thing that men carry?
A tie.

36. Who is Cogsworth’s best friend?
His candlestick.

37. What do you call an Italian hooker?
A pasta-tute.

38. What did Pongo and Perdita say after they did the deed?
“That hit the spot.”

39. Are you a pie?
Because I’d like a piece of you.

40. How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales?
They grabbed him by the jewels.

41. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snowballs.

42. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say to his new love interest?
Show me the honey.

43. Want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle. Want to hear a clean joke? The white horse took a bath.

44. What gets wetter when things get steamy?
Steamboats.

45. What’s six inches long and has two nuts at the end?
An Almond Joy.

46. Why did the male chicken wear underwear on its head?
Because its pecker was on its face.

47. Can I watch TV?
Yes, but don’t turn it on.

48. Why did the ranch blush?
He saw the salad dressing.

49. What’s hot, pink and wet?
A pig in a hot tub.

50. Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction.

Holy Crap, bust a gut laughing
too many to mention but this like many others got me
21. There’s a new Viagra and prune juice diet that’s out.
Unfortunately, you can’t tell if you’re coming or going.

46. Why did the male chicken wear underwear on its head?
Because its pecker was on its face.

We just call them dickheads