🧠 The Day I Tried to Fix My Wi-Fi and Accidentally Summoned a Demon

🧠 The Day I Tried to Fix My Wi-Fi and Accidentally Summoned a Demon

I’m sitting at my desk, eyes twitching, staring at the spinning “No Internet Connection” symbol like it just insulted my mother.

Me: “Okay… easy fix. Turn it off and on again.”
(Unplugs router. Waits heroically. Plugs it back in.)
Router: Blinks in Morse code that looks suspiciously like ‘LOL.’

Three resets later, I’ve got cables everywhere. My cat is tangled in Ethernet, I’m praying to the tech gods, and Alexa is suspiciously silent—never a good sign.

Then the lights flicker. My monitor flashes the Windows error sound backwards. Smoke pours out of the modem, and suddenly there’s a seven-foot demon in my living room holding my HDMI cable like a lasso.

Demon: “WHO SUMMONS ME FROM THE VOID?”
Me: “Uh… Telstra technical support was taking too long.”

The demon looks around, unimpressed. “For centuries I have been bound to answer only the call of the truly desperate.”
I gesture at the router. “My Netflix stopped at 99% buffering during the season finale.”
He nods solemnly. “Ah. A just cause.”

The creature waves a claw and—boom!—every device in the house connects instantly. My phone now has full bars underground. The toaster starts streaming Friends. Even the smoke detector is downloading updates.

Me: “Whoa, how’d you do that?”
Demon: “I upgraded you to Infernal Fibre. Unlimited data, eternal contract.”
Me: “Eternal as in…?”
Demon: “Till the heat death of the universe or until you miss a payment.”

We shake on it. His hand is hotter than my GPU. Then he vanishes in a puff of sulphur, leaving behind perfect Wi-Fi—and a faint smell of burning router plastic.

A week later, I get my first bill.
It’s printed in blood. The surcharge? One human soul per gigabyte over quota.
I call customer support. Guess who answers?
The demon.
Still better than Telstra.